Short answer: Get a Mac! Any Mac.
Long Answer (and the more correct one)
Why the blazes are you asking me? Huh? I write software, I don't design hardware. I use Macs. I write software for Macs. So I'm going to tell you to buy a Mac, like I just did, because I get more customers if you buy a Mac and fewer computer related questions from Mac users.
Don't ask me to decide for you.
----
Still here? Ok, I'll help a little bit.
----
Mac? PC? Linux? Choose the one you are more comfortable with. Get the one you have purchased software for. And get the newest and latest version of it. If you don't have a lock-in on any software, get a Mac.
Laptop? Desktop? If you travel, get a laptop, else whichever you like. If you are a greenie, get a laptop, it uses less juice. If you want to plug in a lot of stuff and expand it, get a desktop.
Netbook? No bloody way. See Netbooks are Rubbish.
Buy Now? Wait a few months? Now! If you need a computer, get it now. There's always a newer model on the horizon, it's not that much better than the current model, and you cannot use a computer you don't have.
Upgrade? Replace? You just asked me which to buy, just go buy it.
----
Still here? Sigh!
----
You want a PC, so which vendor? Dell? Lenovo? Sony? HP? Asus? Acme? Frankly, if you're asking me which computer to buy, they are all the same to you. In reality, they all have the same bits and bobs inside, and most vendors fill the computer up with crapware. Go to a store and see which feels better to use. Then stop wasting time and buy a Mac.
Ok, I have chosen a vendor (Apple, Dell, IBM, Sony) and a kind (desktop or laptop), which model should I buy? Get the most expensive one you can afford with the MOST RAM and LARGEST hard drive. It will work better longer.
Why not get an el cheapo now and replace it again next year? Because you won't. And you'll have a horrible experience with it. And you'll be unproductive. And unhappy. And whiney. And your time is worth more than the difference between rubbish and a useable computer.
Really get the most expensive I can afford? Yes, you'll get better quality, better productivity, better support and a longer computer life.
But its a recession and we need to save money. Its a recession, so you need to be more productive than the next person to keep your get a job, so spend the money. When the recession is over, instead of replacing a rubbish computer while still unemployed, take a holiday to Hawaii.
Get the extended warranty? No, unless it's vendor provided like AppleCare. All the other stuff like store warranties are a total ripoff.
But what if it breaks down? Well, if its in warranty, its free. If its out of warranty, it will cost the same to fix whether you purchased the store warranty or not.
Get Geek Squad/Nerd Herd to set it up? Hell no, don't spend a cent on them, they are an even bigger ripoff than store extended warranties (which are useless, see above).
Buy the Essential Services from Dell? No. Same stuff as Geek Squad.
How do I set it up? If its a Mac, its all set up. If its linux, you are already a geek and I don't need to help you. If its a PC, nuke the hard drive to get rid of all the crapware and run the OS install from a Microsoft CD. No Microsoft CD? Don't buy that computer then. Ask before you buy if there is a valid windows install CD, not a vendor one that just reinstalls all the crapware. If they lie, return the computer same day with the packaging shredded and get your money back. Or buy one without crapware on it - if you can find it.
----
Still here? You're pretty persistent.
----
Store or Online? I buy online from the vendor, takes more time, but I get what I want. For you, first got to a few stores and play with the computers to help decide what suits. You don't buy clothes without trying them on, do you?
Faster CPU or more RAM? More RAM
Bigger Disk or More RAM? More RAM
Faster CPU or Bigger Disk? Really, more RAM
Big Screen or Faster CPU? Seriously, more RAM
Which Video Card? Unless you are buying a gaming rig or a CAD station, does not matter.
Intel or AMD CPU? No difference.
Desktop replacement or true laptop? True laptop. Desktop replacements are big, heavy laptop like looking computers that have the same chips, same portability and same power suck as a desktop without the expandability. Get a desktop or a laptop, don't encourage vendors to make 'desktop replacement' computers.
Light laptop with small screen? Heavy laptop with big screen? Go in the middle, a 13"-15" screen usually provides a reasonable screen size with light enough laptop, else, go light. Choose the lightest 13"-15" with the longest battery life. You'll never carry a heavy laptop, so don't buy one.
Get the extended battery? Or get a longer life laptop The only vendor to get this right is Apple. They have one battery, its light, it stays inside the laptop and it lasts forever. As for others, get the biggest battery they offer that does not add extra weight or sticks out the back or front of the laptop, which usually is the standard one. Choose a laptop vendor whose standard battery gives you the longest life. The next time you are waiting at an airport, you;ll thank me.
How many USB ports will I need? On a desktop, three (keyboard, mouse, other). On a laptop, one. If you need to plug something else in, unplug what's there first.
Compact flash or SD card reader? Unimportant. Unnecessary. Use the USB port.
B, G or N WiFi? N.
Built in 3G on a laptop? Nope, you'll get locked in. If you need 3G, use the USB port or get a MiFi. Or jailbreak your phone and tether.
Trackpad or Joystick? Whatever you like, but it seems touch, and therefore trackpads have won, so learn how to use one.
Wired or wireless keyboard and mouse? Same same, but different as they say in Thailand.
Camera? Yes, in the 21st century we make video calls. For desktops, use a headset, laptops don't always need one.
Tv Tuner? Remote? Speakers? No, its a computer, not a home theatre.
Video Out? HDMI? VGA? Does not matter, any place you need to hook up an external monitor for presentations will provide all, or buy an adaptor when you need it, which in my case has been never.
DVD or BlueRay? DVD is more than enough. Unless you have a top of the line 30" screen and watch lots of HD movies.
Buy the extra bundled software? In general, no. Most extra software bundles are cheap, consumer versions or limited versions of better products. Only get the software you need, and only get it bundled if it offers a genuine saving without giving you a rubbish version.
Not even the AntiVirus? For PC users, don't get the bundled AV, its usually a mess. And uninstall any preinstalled trial ones immediately. Microsoft Security Essentials is free and good. So is AVG Free.
What software should I get with it? That's another blog post.
----
Still Here?
Get a Mac.
